Wednesday, April 9, 2008
From the prescription bottle to the mountaintop
Due to a cut-back in my drug habit, I've been near to chewing the wood-work for the last week. Withdrawal. It's a bitch. Let me 'splain.
For the last six months I've been a drug whore. That is to say, I've been participating in a drug study and have been a guinea pig for a combination of two drugs with the plan to combine them into one at the end of the study and pending FDA approval.
I agreed to the study because it promised the relief of pain, not to mention free doctor stuff and money in my pocket for my participation. Plus, I was already taking one of the drugs so, what the hell, pile on another. Free drugs, free xrays, free ECGs, free Doctor probings and a little green for things like Flips and such - what more could a girl ask for?
The study was supposed to last for a year, but was cut short because the drug company deemed it no longer profitable. It'd incurred a substantial fourth quarter loss in its bottom line, therefore was cutting its losses. And cutting off my drug supply. Thank you, Bushonomics.
So, I was put on a week of half doses until I'm cut free entirely next week. Now, one of the drugs - the pain-killer - had literature that stated it was non-narcotic. However, right now I'm doubting that claim. When I find myself sitting and rocking - even while I type - while at the same time longing for sleep, as well as wanting to claw my way through the wall.... well, I'm thinking there's got to be a wee bit o' narcotic in that wee bit o' pill to be experiencing withdrawal symptoms.
Of course, I do not mean to make light of what it REALLY means to experience narcotic withdrawal. I'm getting only a tiny, tiny, teeninsie, taste of that. But that tiny taste of hell is enough to reinforce my resolve to never venture into that realm and count my lucky stars I dodged it in my hippie youthdom.
Speaking of which - my co-worker, being an avid NPR fan, pointed out that Friday, April 4th, was an ironic day in history. "Oh, do tell," I'm implored him as we strolled in to work. As it is, on that day in history, forty years ago, Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated and the peace symbol was born. Ironic indeed.
I also listened to an NPR report - the day before - on the way to work. I only heard the last part of it, as the Rev. Samuel Billy Kyles remembered, forty years ago, listening as King delivered his portentous "Mountaintop" speech. Kyles was only a few feet away from Rev. King.
I am not religious. In fact, by way of a lifetime of exploring, reading, contemplating, debating, questioning and even being born again, I am now an affirmed atheist. But, I still weep when I hear that speech. It is a transcendent speech. A speech for the ages, while at the same time a deeply personal affirmation of faith. A faith that I cannot and will not question or criticize.
Martin Luther King, Jr. not only had faith in his god, but faith in human nature. He believed that somehow, some day, we humans would transcend. We would get past our differences and find common ground. A simple, but profound faith and seemingly, for the times, an impossible faith.
On April 4, 1968 I was a sixteen year old junior in high-school. I remember shock. I remember fear. I remember the images on the nightly news. Little did I know what that day and another assassination two months later would do to shape the person I was becoming. A generation was poised to set the nation on it's ear and I was one, small, insignificant member of it trying to figure it all out.
As Rev. Kyles pointed out, some would say we haven't progressed very far in those forty years since - that it's worse now then it was then. His response:
And now an African-American has a real shot of being our next president.
But, even with that, Rev. Kyles reminds us that there is still much to do. "Each generation will have it's portion, and that helps to keep the dream alive."
I am fortunate that I lived in a time that had such leaders as Martin Luther King, Jr. A time of great, yet turbulent, change. But, change for the good.
I am fortunate I live in a time of such potential as that of Barack Obama. Time will tell, whether he becomes our nation's next president or not, if he will be a leader who brings change. Change for the good. Change that is desperately needed today.
I would encourage you, dear reader, to take some time and listen to Dr. King's speech. Reflect on where we are now, and what is yet to be done. You can play a part in keeping the dream alive. You just have to figure it out.
For the last six months I've been a drug whore. That is to say, I've been participating in a drug study and have been a guinea pig for a combination of two drugs with the plan to combine them into one at the end of the study and pending FDA approval.
I agreed to the study because it promised the relief of pain, not to mention free doctor stuff and money in my pocket for my participation. Plus, I was already taking one of the drugs so, what the hell, pile on another. Free drugs, free xrays, free ECGs, free Doctor probings and a little green for things like Flips and such - what more could a girl ask for?
The study was supposed to last for a year, but was cut short because the drug company deemed it no longer profitable. It'd incurred a substantial fourth quarter loss in its bottom line, therefore was cutting its losses. And cutting off my drug supply. Thank you, Bushonomics.
So, I was put on a week of half doses until I'm cut free entirely next week. Now, one of the drugs - the pain-killer - had literature that stated it was non-narcotic. However, right now I'm doubting that claim. When I find myself sitting and rocking - even while I type - while at the same time longing for sleep, as well as wanting to claw my way through the wall.... well, I'm thinking there's got to be a wee bit o' narcotic in that wee bit o' pill to be experiencing withdrawal symptoms.
Of course, I do not mean to make light of what it REALLY means to experience narcotic withdrawal. I'm getting only a tiny, tiny, teeninsie, taste of that. But that tiny taste of hell is enough to reinforce my resolve to never venture into that realm and count my lucky stars I dodged it in my hippie youthdom.
Speaking of which - my co-worker, being an avid NPR fan, pointed out that Friday, April 4th, was an ironic day in history. "Oh, do tell," I'm implored him as we strolled in to work. As it is, on that day in history, forty years ago, Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated and the peace symbol was born. Ironic indeed.
I also listened to an NPR report - the day before - on the way to work. I only heard the last part of it, as the Rev. Samuel Billy Kyles remembered, forty years ago, listening as King delivered his portentous "Mountaintop" speech. Kyles was only a few feet away from Rev. King.
I am not religious. In fact, by way of a lifetime of exploring, reading, contemplating, debating, questioning and even being born again, I am now an affirmed atheist. But, I still weep when I hear that speech. It is a transcendent speech. A speech for the ages, while at the same time a deeply personal affirmation of faith. A faith that I cannot and will not question or criticize.
Martin Luther King, Jr. not only had faith in his god, but faith in human nature. He believed that somehow, some day, we humans would transcend. We would get past our differences and find common ground. A simple, but profound faith and seemingly, for the times, an impossible faith.
On April 4, 1968 I was a sixteen year old junior in high-school. I remember shock. I remember fear. I remember the images on the nightly news. Little did I know what that day and another assassination two months later would do to shape the person I was becoming. A generation was poised to set the nation on it's ear and I was one, small, insignificant member of it trying to figure it all out.
As Rev. Kyles pointed out, some would say we haven't progressed very far in those forty years since - that it's worse now then it was then. His response:
...the only reason you can say that is because you were not here then... Think of how far we have come - it was illegal for my ancestors to read during slavery... [my ancestors] came to this country in chains...
And now an African-American has a real shot of being our next president.
But, even with that, Rev. Kyles reminds us that there is still much to do. "Each generation will have it's portion, and that helps to keep the dream alive."
I am fortunate that I lived in a time that had such leaders as Martin Luther King, Jr. A time of great, yet turbulent, change. But, change for the good.
I am fortunate I live in a time of such potential as that of Barack Obama. Time will tell, whether he becomes our nation's next president or not, if he will be a leader who brings change. Change for the good. Change that is desperately needed today.
I would encourage you, dear reader, to take some time and listen to Dr. King's speech. Reflect on where we are now, and what is yet to be done. You can play a part in keeping the dream alive. You just have to figure it out.
Posted at 8:33 AM | |
