Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Dancing with the devil
I am posting the following more for my own benefit than for any other reason. If any one reads this and gains some positive use from it, then so much the better.

This is how it went down:

  • Tues. 4/08: Last Tramadol taken
  • Wed. 4/09: Withdrawal symptoms start trickling in - restlessness, insomnia..;
  • Thurs.4/10: Leave work at 1:00 due to inability to concentrate, put together a coherent sentence and to sit still;
  • The next 24 hours are somewhat of a blur. Very little sleep and any sleep that did happen was out of utter exhaustion;
  • Fri. 4/11: 6:30-ish pm - felt better after a few hours of sofa snoozing... calmer yet tired, but inspired to visit local gambling establishment for some recreation. Left 3 hours later ($600 richer) when symptoms began to reappear - in spades;
  • Sat. 4/12 6:40 AM: Finally fall asleep out of exhaustion after a watching the hours tick slowly by while compulsively rocking to try to quiet the nerves and tire myself out, plus thrashing, yelling, crying and sinking into really dark thoughts...
  • Sat.: 4/12
    • ---11:30 AM: Awake and join friends for brunch. Discover I cannot sit still let alone join in the conversation without stumbling through words and thoughts. Leave in haste and drive straight to the urgent care clinic. Wait an hour or so to see a Dr. who prescribes an ambien and benedryl cocktail and wishes me to have a "nice nap." Doc also informs me the symptoms will take about ten days to get completely out of my system...
    • ---3:40 PM Took ambien and two benedryl, took a long hot soak in the bathtub, then went to bed. Over the next 16 hours I mostly slept, but remember getting up three times - twice to chug some orange juice, once to get my bose ipod boom box for music to listen to in order to distract my mind from its thoughts.
  • Sun. 4/13: 7:51 AM - Awaken and remember friend Gracie telling me that the best chance of scoring a Wii is to get to Target at opening time on a Sunday. So, that's what I do. I get up, drive to Target and score the Wii. The rest of the day is spent setting up the Wii, playing with Endless Ocean and, apparently - later that night in my sleep - attempting to text message a friend an incoherent message about Leonard Cohen, soul-mates and training manuals. Only it went to Sonic (the burger drive-in), and not my friend. Thank goodness.
The above was the worst of it. I'm still a bit addle-brained and groggy most of the day due to the ambien. I experience anxiety at bedtime because I'm afraid I won't sleep and the withdrawal symptoms will return. I barely have an appetite. But, each day is better than the one before. My optimism is returning and the gloom of Mordor is all but vanished.

So - that was the few days that was. If I've learned anything from this is to a) forget about being a guinea pig for bucks and b) thoroughly question my doc about any prescriptions AND to research them if there's any hint they could be narcotic, addictive or have withdrawal side effects.

Tramadol Ultram is not on the list of scheduled narcotics because it is not considered habit forming. That's what I was told when I started the study six months ago - that it wasn't habit forming. It's a pain killer, but is not a "euphoric" which would put it the the danger zone for addiction.

What I wasn't told was to expect withdrawal symptoms. Even though the drug is not a "euphoric" - I was craving it if only to stop the agony of withdrawal. I'm starting to get angry about all this but, really, I have no one to blame but myself. I didn't do my research so I could ask the questions that needed to be asked at the outset. I was foolish in trusting the research company.

Never again.

My heart-felt thanks goes to those of you who sent support. You are true friends, indeed.

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Posted at 2:50 PM | |